we should wear snuggies to the strip club
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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