They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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