Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
