No awkward lesbian experiences without me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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