Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
zippers are such a cool invention
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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