I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
