I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
