I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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