i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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