I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
