I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
