peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
