These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
