i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
