she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
