my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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