i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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