apparently the secret to your success is patron
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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