I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
