i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
