I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
