this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
