i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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