Who did Billy Mays play for?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
