I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize