Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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