I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
