if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
