My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
