Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
