i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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