I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize