Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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