At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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