so explain again why im purple
no
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
