this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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