If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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