I just saw a hot homeless man
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
