Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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