You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
