girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
