Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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