Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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