I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
