listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
