there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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