omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
