so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
