so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
