Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
