i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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