I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
