don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Omg I joined a choir last night...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
