This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
