Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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