Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
