it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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