I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
