I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
