I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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