I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize