is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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