I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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