He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
