I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize