Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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