if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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