everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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