i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize