pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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