every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
4 words: hood of his car
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
